1. Dear husband, you best come home with some traps and D-con for any future possible invasions. And it's all your fault. I know it's easier to call me a crappy cleaner, but that pile of rubble has been their home. It has also meant I can't access the garden hose for TWO summers. I moved the pile o shite so I could hack down the overgrowth. And I found I was right - about the spiders, about a lot of the creepy crawlies you didn't want to believe were there. Being right doesn't feel good, it feels frustrating. But out of compassion for your pregnant wife's blood pressure, would you please man up dear and do what I've asked. If I have to actually HIRE someone to clean up your mess, it's coming out of the imaginary atv/gun/big boy toys fund.
You must admit as far as wives go; you've got it pretty sweet. Maybe that is where we've gone wrong. Do I need to be a bitch to you? Will that motivate you?
2. Dear __________, and oh well I guess this could also apply to ___________, please stop the martyr theme. You are not being persecuted and it is not my duty to reintegrate you into societal circles. Grow up.
There, I release you Stress. Go away and do not come back.
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